Let’s Get Monster Smashed: Horror Movie Drinks for a Killer Time by Jon and Marc Chaiet
  Book Reviews    July 31, 2017     Eric Larkin

 

This entire book is severely intoxicated. There are photos/art that I’m not even sure what they depict – except for the eyeball… pretty sure that’s an eyeball.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s perfect.

Let’s Get Monster Smashed is a hugely varied collection of cocktail recipes – including those of the virgin variety, dubbed “Virgin Sacrifices”. From punchbowl-sized mixes to shots, from gelatinous moulds to things you light on fire – I guarantee you’ll find a few options you’ll regret the next day (or however long you survive). Each drink is matched to a horror film or TV show – mostly in the B category, but classics every one. There is a short tutorial on the basics of cocktail mixing: equipment, terminology, techniques and a guide to liqueurs. This came in handy for me, since my mixing skills include opening the bottle, pouring the beverage into the glass, and then… whatever comes after that. I can never remember. To me, ice is too fancy.

 

 

Now that you know where I’m coming from, you’ll appreciate that I tested out Let’s Get Monster Smashed before showing it to you. That’s right, dear reader: I stepped up to take the bullet – or the shot anyway – just in case these drinks were bogus. You’re welcome.

 

I only tried a few, because no way am I gonna blow my entire paycheck on fancy liqueurs, like chartreuse ($40 a bottle? It’s made of flowers..?) Also, not fair for me to try something difficult, only to blow it and blame the book – so I kept it pretty simple. I skipped things like “Pazuzu’s Puke” from The Exorcist, because it looks like puke and “The Dream Warrior” from Nightmare on Elm Street 3, because it involves syringes.

 

If you look closely, you can see that the Mogwai is a little bit on fire.

But I did feel the need to light something on fire, so I tried the Gremlins bev, which is actually a two-drink combo called “Midnight Mixers”.  Mine did not look half as good as the ones in the book, because I don’t have the correct glassware, and because it’s super difficult to light a pile of mini marshmallows on fire with a wooden match. Still, it was fun to make and pretty damn tasty. The short guy is a Mogwai, the tall guy is a Gremlin. Too much rimming, you say? Whatever, I like matcha. Also, my shaking needs a little work. Also, I don’t have a shaker. 

 

 

 

“The 5th Dimension” is Twilight Zone-themed, on account of its monochrome look. It’s a bit like a “White Russian”, but with some patience, you can layer it nicely. It’s attractive and smooth as Rod Serling. It’s supposed to be a shot, but since I didn’t have big enough shot glasses, I just doubled everything. It would be a great AM cocktail, a way to start your day. 

 

 

 

 

It’s ok to laugh at this attempt. I thought perhaps I could float the cookie on the lemon. I am an idiot.

 

 

If you’re a fan of C.H.U.D. (I hope you aren’t) or if you lack mixing skills, give “D.U.H.C” a try. Not only is it easy, but it features a cookie. The cookie is supposed to be a manhole cover – you know what that’s all about if you know the movie. Though it’s not hard to make, I managed to @#%& it up pretty bad. You’re not supposed to just drop the lemon and cookie into the drink. Again, wrong glassware. But hey: booze-soaked Jo-Jo’s ain’t bad. 

 

 

 

 

 

And on to “Bee’s Sting” from Candyman. This one has three of my favorite things: whiskey, cinnamon and chili powder. If only I could light it on fire… but you can’t have everything. Again, I have the wrong glassware, so mine looks a bit awkward, but it tastes dynamite – sweet, but with its eponymous sting. Hard to nurse; sucked it right down. 

 

 

 

 

These are some of the simplest drinks in the book. Many involve props or gummy products or fruits/vegetables or dry ice or they glow in the dark – so there is potential for something really spectacular. Halloween is not that far away, and now is the time to pick out a few special bevs for your event – and get good at them. You won’t be able to crank these out in an impressive manner without a little practice. I mean, look at my kitchen counter. Get yourself a system and your bar won’t look like a slaughterhouse. Unless that’s what you’re going for. 

 

Speaking of which, if you still haven’t decided on a theme for your party or costume, go either here or here for parties and go here for costumes or even maybe here.

 

I work so hard for you guys.

 

 

 

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