This entire book is severely intoxicated. There are photos/art that I’m not even sure what they depict – except for the eyeball… pretty sure that’s an eyeball.
What I’m trying to say is that it’s perfect.
Let’s Get Monster Smashed is a hugely varied collection of cocktail recipes – including those of the virgin variety, dubbed “Virgin Sacrifices”. From punchbowl-sized mixes to shots, from gelatinous moulds to things you light on fire – I guarantee you’ll find a few options you’ll regret the next day (or however long you survive). Each drink is matched to a horror film or TV show – mostly in the B category, but classics every one. There is a short tutorial on the basics of cocktail mixing: equipment, terminology, techniques and a guide to liqueurs. This came in handy for me, since my mixing skills include opening the bottle, pouring the beverage into the glass, and then… whatever comes after that. I can never remember. To me, ice is too fancy.
Now that you know where I’m coming from, you’ll appreciate that I tested out Let’s Get Monster Smashed before showing it to you. That’s right, dear reader: I stepped up to take the bullet – or the shot anyway – just in case these drinks were bogus. You’re welcome.
I only tried a few, because no way am I gonna blow my entire paycheck on fancy liqueurs, like chartreuse ($40 a bottle? It’s made of flowers..?) Also, not fair for me to try something difficult, only to blow it and blame the book – so I kept it pretty simple. I skipped things like “Pazuzu’s Puke” from The Exorcist, because it looks like puke and “The Dream Warrior” from Nightmare on Elm Street 3, because it involves syringes.
But I did feel the need to light something on fire, so I tried the Gremlins bev, which is actually a two-drink combo called “Midnight Mixers”. Mine did not look half as good as the ones in the book, because I don’t have the correct glassware, and because it’s super difficult to light a pile of mini marshmallows on fire with a wooden match. Still, it was fun to make and pretty damn tasty. The short guy is a Mogwai, the tall guy is a Gremlin. Too much rimming, you say? Whatever, I like matcha. Also, my shaking needs a little work. Also, I don’t have a shaker.
“The 5th Dimension” is Twilight Zone-themed, on account of its monochrome look. It’s a bit like a “White Russian”, but with some patience, you can layer it nicely. It’s attractive and smooth as Rod Serling. It’s supposed to be a shot, but since I didn’t have big enough shot glasses, I just doubled everything. It would be a great AM cocktail, a way to start your day.
If you’re a fan of C.H.U.D. (I hope you aren’t) or if you lack mixing skills, give “D.U.H.C” a try. Not only is it easy, but it features a cookie. The cookie is supposed to be a manhole cover – you know what that’s all about if you know the movie. Though it’s not hard to make, I managed to @#%& it up pretty bad. You’re not supposed to just drop the lemon and cookie into the drink. Again, wrong glassware. But hey: booze-soaked Jo-Jo’s ain’t bad.
And on to “Bee’s Sting” from Candyman. This one has three of my favorite things: whiskey, cinnamon and chili powder. If only I could light it on fire… but you can’t have everything. Again, I have the wrong glassware, so mine looks a bit awkward, but it tastes dynamite – sweet, but with its eponymous sting. Hard to nurse; sucked it right down.
These are some of the simplest drinks in the book. Many involve props or gummy products or fruits/vegetables or dry ice or they glow in the dark – so there is potential for something really spectacular. Halloween is not that far away, and now is the time to pick out a few special bevs for your event – and get good at them. You won’t be able to crank these out in an impressive manner without a little practice. I mean, look at my kitchen counter. Get yourself a system and your bar won’t look like a slaughterhouse. Unless that’s what you’re going for.